And so, our...heroes(?) had defeated the evil giant crabs. Their destination was straight ahead, and nothing would stand in their way! Unless there are more crabs. In which case, they're probably going to die. Anyway...

Session 2: Crying In The Bathroom (Is Really Cool)

The Drufle:

poof

Zurka:

test

Zurka:

there we go

Chanlin:

"Hey guys! There's a pretty cool more-of-the-road up here!"

Zurka:

ho hum i am a rat

Zurka:

i like grapes

The Drufle:

quotation marks boy

ReverseGenocideCockatrices:

"There's a pretty cool MY DICK over here!"

ReverseGenocideCockatrices:

wait

Narseus:

"I'm feeling pretty uncool right now."

Ben:

there

Zurka:

"squeak"

Ben:

"I am feeling like the COOLEST MOTHERFUCKER WHO HAS EVER LIVED"

The Drufle:

Now does anyone happen to remember where your party is headed?

Chanlin:

"Really? Your dick is cold? That sounds like you need pharmaceutical help."

Ben:

"I am at the requisite level of coolness, where i would be expelled from academic institutions!"

Zurka:

let's consult

Zurka:

map

Ben:

"Because of my... my coolness."

Ben:

Ben's bravado is wearing off.

Zurka:

"boots, where is map?"

Chanlin:

We're going to the nearest port other than Port Glacier to try to steal a ship so we can follow the pirates with Asema's book.

Narseus:

"Is this port far?"

The Drufle:

Yes!

The Drufle:

Port Aurus, to be precise

Narseus:

There it is

Narseus:

it's this square

Narseus:

what is this

The Drufle:

And to eliminate boring walking I've removed the journey for you

Chanlin:

"And a finer port I've never seen."

Zurka:

(also are we assuming we healed ourselves)

Narseus:

"Ben, the door!"

Zurka:

(i forgot my hp)

The Drufle:

Yes, you can all heal yourself

Zurka:

(the damaged one)

Narseus:

« CurrentHP = max(CurrentHP+Level,MaxHP) = CurrentHP = max(9 + 1, 21) = 21 » « TempHP = 0 = TempHP = 0 = 0 » Extended Rest HP: 21 Hero Points: 0

The Drufle:

Enough time has passed that you may assume a full rest

Narseus:

"Man, I feel like that walk took weeks."

The Drufle:

er

Narseus:

"So this is urm...Port Arus...or something?"

Ben:

"Yes, I also feel as though we were just spending weeks, walking into a wall."

The Drufle:

it was about 14 hours streak

Zurka:

"odd buildings"

Ben:

"A wall with the number 4 on it. But we broke t hrough that!"

The Drufle:

Anyway!

Narseus:

"Yeah I uh, um. Sure, right."

Ben:

"Now then, my memory's a little foggy from the crab blood and the stabbing and the head injuries."

The Drufle:

Who'd like to use knowledge or perception to figure out what these buildings are?

Ben:

"So could someone, uh... remind me what we're doing here?"

Chanlin:

Chanlin tries to pay attention to the world around him. He gets a 16 on a Perception check.

Chanlin:

Chanlin thinks back on the various tidbits he's overheard in his travels. He gets a 17 on a Knowledge check.

Zurka:

Perception Check At-Will • Wis Roll: (GM Only)

The Drufle:

There we go

The Drufle:

I was hoping for a 20

Zurka:

oh what

The Drufle:

Zurka notices that the nearest, smallest building is a simple general store

Narseus:

"Anyone know where the hell they're goin'?"

The Drufle:

If you'd like to buy anything, that's where to go

Ben:

"I think I knew."

Narseus:

"Do you still?"

The Drufle:

The two buildings on the left are an apothecary and a portsmith

Ben:

"Perhaps some intercourse would refresh my memory."

Chanlin:

A portsmith? A guy who builds ports?

Narseus:

He smiths them.

The Drufle:

Probably not the right term, but it's someone who sells materials and miscellany for boats and port-related activities

The Drufle:

rope, sails, fishing nets, etc

The Drufle:

The square building on the right is yet another bar

Narseus:

"There's a Portsmith over there."

The Drufle:

and the odd tower to the north

The Drufle:

uh someone make an arcana check

Narseus:

"And a bar."

Zurka:

is the pokemon tower

Narseus:

i have bar sense

Chanlin:

"Well, a fine place for him to show up. We've got a port right here already."

Chanlin:

Chanlin searches his brain from information about the arcane, getting a 18 on a Knowledge(arcana) check.

Zurka:

Knowledge Arcana Check At-Will • Int Roll: (GM Only)

Narseus:

Knowledge Arcana Check At-Will • Int Roll: (GM Only)

Narseus:

fan-fuckin-tastic then

The Drufle:

Alright I'll deal with an 18

Narseus:

what does that even mean

The Drufle:

The tower to the north is emitting various arcane and necromantic energies; you can't tell what they're coming from, however

Zurka:

can drufle see this or is he supposed to roll

Chanlin:

These skill check macros have ben set up so that only the Game Master can see what the result is.

Ben:

chanlin literally opens up his skull and inspects his brain cells

Narseus:

Ooh.

The Drufle:

wait you guys cant see these rolls?

The Drufle:

interesting

Zurka:

no

The Drufle:

So!

Zurka:

i dont know if thats better or wrose

Zurka:

worse

The Drufle:

Knowing your immediate vicinity, where is the party headed?

Ben:

"I... I certainly hope this Portsmith person is, you know..."

Ben:

"An attractive man of some sort. Yes."

Zurka:

"please not a bar again"

Ben:

"That would be... That would be the s- the feces."

Narseus:

"Hey, it'd be a shame not to check it out."

The Drufle:

streak try and get some pics remember

Narseus:

i am

The Drufle:

alright thanks

Ben:

"Curious."

Ben:

"Black lines on the ground."

Ben:

"And a red line in the middle for some reason."

Ben:

"There's not even anything inside those lines!"

Chanlin:

It is pitch black. You might be eaten by a grue.

Ben:

"Oh, I-"

Ben:

"Um."

Ben:

"My mistake."

Ben:

"I must've gotten some of my venom on myself."

Narseus:

"I was thinking about getting a lighter sword, myself."

Zurka:

'are these structures, magical"

Ben:

"I am such a hardcore, uh, dude - am I saying that right? Dude? - that I do my own venom as drugs all the time."

The Drufle:

the brown lines are of course doors

Zurka:

"i dont have money"

Narseus:

I'd like to browse the general store.

The Drufle:

Go ahead!

The Drufle:

i still only have a few pogs though so

Narseus:

Well, I can't just walk off, that's ruuude.

The Drufle:

bear with the uncanny resemblances

Zurka:

"is there wi-fi in this area"

Narseus:

"I'm going to the store, if anyone wants to come with me."

Ben:

"Yes, I will come."

The Drufle:

Ellington and Eric decide to check out the apothecary for the moment

Ben:

"Maybe there will be condoms there. Not that I use them during intercourse, because, I, I am too hardcore.

Ben:

Please."

Zurka:

then they have hot potion sex

* Chanlin , fascinated by a mystery, is drawn to the tower.

The Drufle:

you do in fact have to enter the building to begin transactions

The Drufle:

just as a note

Narseus:

"Hmm.

Narseus:

How does this work!!"

Zurka:

"i'm gonna wait outside"

Chanlin:

We can't enter buildings that are covered by fog of war.

Narseus:

"Ben, do your thing."

Ben:

"Well, as a man of the world,"

Ben:

"I will show you how to work this magical device."

Ben:

"It is called, a "door"."

Ben:

"Now, you take this gold round t hing here, and turn it in your hand like so."

Zurka:

use umd

Ben:

Ben turns the doorknob smugly.

Ben:

"Then, you pull the door towards you."

Narseus:

"You know much."

Ben:

"Yes, I am, I am quite cool."

Shopkeep Brek'la:

Eh!

Ben:

"You might say I am, radical."

Shopkeep Brek'la:

Ow're you men doin' todai?

Ben:

"Yes, we're doing quite, uh, yes."

Ben:

"Do you have products?"

Narseus:

"I got beat up by a crab earlier but I'm fine now."

Poryhedron:

snrk

Shopkeep Brek'la:

Dis is a store, yes?

Ben:

"What variety of products do you have?"

Ben:

"Condoms, I assume?"

Narseus:

"Seems nice. Do you have weapons?"

Shopkeep Brek'la:

Weppins ai kin do, yez

Zurka:

das racist

Narseus:

"I'm looking for a lightweight melee weapon, something like a short sword."

Shopkeep Brek'la:

Dinno waz a cahndum is

Shopkeep Brek'la:

Short zords!

Zurka:

Knowledge Local Check At-Will • Int Roll: « d20 + KnowledgeLocal + IntBonus = 14 + 0 + 3 = 17 »

Shopkeep Brek'la:

Yez, I have many of these

Zurka:

oh good i can make it public

Ben:

"Oh, well, I guess it's something only really cool dudes know about then." Ben says smugly.

* Shopkeep Brek'la glares at Ben

Shopkeep Brek'la:

Yoor a few werds away from the sekkerity, sir

* Shopkeep Brek'la turns back to Narseus

Shopkeep Brek'la:

Yez, weppins

Ben:

help i can't not imagine ben as a reptilian rik mayall

Shopkeep Brek'la:

Any surtin kind?

Ben:

help

Narseus:

"I need something light."

Ben:

hey what do i need to buy as an alchemist to make more alchemies

The Drufle:

You have the majority of your components in your alchemy pouch

Ben:

"Do you have anything, like, say, machetes but more powerful?"

The Drufle:

Anything unusual can be bought from the apothecary

Shopkeep Brek'la:

I have zords

Shopkeep Brek'la:

Do zose kount?

Ben:

this is rik mayall

Ben:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmvaZEz2GgU

Zurka:

robot animals

Ben:

"Uh, no, not quite."

Ben:

rik mayall would play ben

Shopkeep Brek'la:

Meeser gunman, I have akses and zords for you

Shopkeep Brek'la:

A few hammurs too!

Shopkeep Brek'la:

Zurely a man zuch as yourzelf has monies for zeese

Narseus:

"Are these boarding axes? Those are handy."

Shopkeep Brek'la:

Ah yez!

Shopkeep Brek'la:

Luvvly akses

Shopkeep Brek'la:

Very cheep too!

Ben:

Ben stands against the wall as cooly as he can

Ben:

He is not good at it.

Narseus:

"Aye, this'll do great."

Shopkeep Brek'la:

Nermally zese akses are zix goldses

Shopkeep Brek'la:

I give one to you fer five

Shopkeep Brek'la:

You zeem like good man

Shopkeep Brek'la:

Pirate man zat I wood not fite

Narseus:

"That's a deal I'll accept. Here you go."

Shopkeep Brek'la:

Very gud!

* Shopkeep Brek'la hands Narseus a medium-sized axe with hooked ends

Narseus:

now then uh do i need anything else...

Narseus:

i don't think so

Narseus:

i don't need this cutlass anymore though

Zurka:

(bullets)

The Drufle:

You can sell it if you like

The Drufle:

No, I'd recommend he not buy bullets

The Drufle:

He can make them himself at a far cheaper price

Zurka:

(dont listen to obama)

Zurka:

(use guns)

Narseus:

"Would you be interested in buying my cutlass. It's barely used!"

Narseus:

*?

Narseus:

damn pirates and their sloppy grammar

Shopkeep Brek'la:

Let me zee it, please

Narseus:

Okay hand him it

* Shopkeep Brek'la takes the cutlass and looks it over

Shopkeep Brek'la:

Zees cutliz is very gud qwohlity!

Shopkeep Brek'la:

Where deed you find zuch a ting?

Narseus:

"It's crafted by the pirates of the Sparthian."

Shopkeep Brek'la:

A Zparseen zord!

Zurka:

(bought from the amazons)

* Shopkeep Brek'la opens his eyes wide, grinning

Narseus:

(my mother got free delivery)

Shopkeep Brek'la:

Zo yoo are Zparseen pirate, yez?

Narseus:

"I am. I'm kind of on a temporary leave right now, though."

Shopkeep Brek'la:

Ah, very gud, very gud

Shopkeep Brek'la:

I give 25 gold for it

Narseus:

"We have a deal."

Shopkeep Brek'la:

Gud!

* Shopkeep Brek'la hands Narseus a small pouch of money

Narseus:

then i do the secret cool handshake for cool people

Narseus:

no i don't

Narseus:

ben does that. get in here

The Drufle:

wheres the rest of our party

Narseus:

"A pleasure doing business, then. Bye."

Shopkeep Brek'la:

Yez, of course!

Narseus:

then i just awkwardly leave

Narseus:

"Now then, where did the rest of them go..."

Ben:

"Well, are you quite, uh done?"

The Drufle:

Would chanlin like to have his turn?

Ben:

"I believe I can deduce this with my amazing powers of memory."

Ben:

"You see, all I have to do is inspect what I believe were past events within my own mind!"

Chanlin:

Sure. As I mentioned before, I'm intruiged by the tower and currently examining it up close.

The Drufle:

Of course

Ben:

"And I have determined it was... the Apocathery!"

The Drufle:

Try another arcana

Chanlin:

Chanlin searches his brain for information about the arcane, getting a 21 on a Knowledge(arcana) check.

The Drufle:

dayum

Narseus:

MEANWHILE>>>>

The Drufle:

Well for starters, the door is on the other side of the tower

Narseus:

he's got all the rolls

Chanlin:

I'll also try to remember any legends about towers like this one.

Chanlin:

Chanlin searches his brain for information about the past, getting a 12 on a Knowledge(history) check.

Zurka:

my dinosaur is upside down

The Drufle:

Eh

The Drufle:

I'll give you something for that

The Drufle:

This tower seems to be some sort of important mage's tower, from what you know of magical architecture

The Drufle:

Your arcana roll is much more precise, and identifies the energies coming from inside the tower as extraplanar

The Drufle:

Along with dashes of various other aspects

Chanlin:

Oooh.

The Drufle:

You conclude that the inhabitants of the tower know many varieties of magic, and that they are currently being produced

Chanlin:

Chanlin'll think for a moment, then look back at the bar he passed and decide to pay it a visit.

Chanlin:

"Oh, hey there."

Chanlin:

Anyone in here besides a barkeep?

The Drufle:

At the moment, no

The Drufle:

The residential area of Port Aurus is further west

The Drufle:

And being rather early, the bar is empty

Chanlin:

Ah.

Ben:

BRAD

Ben:

BARTENDER BRAD

Ben:

BRAD/KEVIN OTP

Zurka:

omg its brad

Ben:

ULTIMATE BRAD ADVENTURE

Ben:

cool quarterback career brad

Ben:

too bad you wound up being a BAR

The Drufle:

am i missing a joke here

Chanlin:

"Hello, sir. I am but a humble traveler, seeking my fortune in the world. I couldn't help but notice the impressive wizard's tower north of here. Might you know who resides there?"

Brad the Bartender:

The wizard's tower?

Brad the Bartender:

That's Jen'qel's place

Brad the Bartender:

Real nutter, that one

Ben:

no BRAD THE DRUFLE you aren't missing any jokes.............................

Ben:

BRAD

Narseus:

jen'fer

Narseus:

m'r'gr't

Brad the Bartender:

Why, you planning on visiting?

Zurka:

"hello guys what did you do in there"

Narseus:

"I got a pointy axe."

Zurka:

brad should've been the name of the wizard

Zurka:

BRAD THE MAGUS

Ben:

High Priest Brad

Chanlin:

"Perhaps, perhaps not. I simply prefer to know of things that could easily shape a man's destiny than not know them. ...would you say he's more 'doddering and incoherent' nutter, or more 'might destroy the whole town tomorrow' nutter?"

Narseus:

"Hey, so, uh. Why you got a little...lizardy...thing followin' yeh?"

Brad the Bartender:

Well first off, Jen'qel ain't a man

Brad the Bartender:

She's one of them janni creatures

Zurka:

"it just appeared on my doorstep one day"

Chanlin:

"Oh, my mistake then."

Zurka:

"in a crate"

Zurka:

sexisms

Zurka:

tsk tsk

Chanlin:

I am finely honing my impressive collection of isms.

Brad the Bartender:

As for your question, however...

Brad the Bartender:

I'd say she's rather harmless.

Chanlin:

Next session I intend to pull a most shocking ageism.

Narseus:

"Never seen people ship lizard things before. They usually just die in those crates."

Brad the Bartender:

She does tend to cause explosions, though.

Brad the Bartender:

Might want to watch out for those.

Ben:

i think this says something

Ben:

in the pathfinderverse

Ben:

-isms are skills

Chanlin:

"I see. Most valuable advice, I'm sure."

Ben:

after all ben complimented the bartender on his racism, and tried it out on eric

Brad the Bartender:

She also has a bunch of flitters around.

Narseus:

"So it's a pet?"

Brad the Bartender:

They're pesky, but no real harm.

Ben:

tumblr would die in the pathfinderverse

Chanlin:

(Chanlin tries to recall on his own what a flitter is...)

Chanlin:

Chanlin searches his brain for information about the arcane, getting a 27 on a Knowledge(arcana) check.

Zurka:

"for all intents and purposes, maybe???"

Zurka:

Narseus:

jesus you are rollin like a hedgehog tonight

Narseus:

(DANG-O-SIMILES)

Zurka:

he's rolling like jesus

Zurka:

jesus always rolled 20

The Drufle:

You are sure that there is no actual creature called a flitter, but you remember that celestial servants are often called "flitters" due to their clumsy flight

Zurka:

except for that one time

Chanlin:

Jesus saves! Everyone else takes full damage.

The Drufle:

xD

Narseus:

pfft

Ben:

drufle can you also follow the quote mark rule

The Drufle:

oh for official word things?

Narseus:

" 'see got a name?"

Zurka:

he should impersonate

The Drufle:

or for npc dialogue?

Narseus:

"Or is it she?"

Zurka:

the npcs

Chanlin:

"I suppose that'll be enough to get by on. Thank you for your time."

The Drufle:

that wasn't something brad was telling him though

Brad the Bartender:

No problem, fox-man.

Zurka:

wait are you talking to me

Narseus:

me, yes

Zurka:

"haven't given it a name yet"

Narseus:

"What do you call it, then? Pets need names."

Narseus:

"Oh hey, it's Chanlin."

Chanlin:

"Hey guys. Was just learning about the owner of that arcane tower."

Narseus:

"That big shiny one?"

The Drufle:

You see Eric walk off into the portsmith, and Ellington off to the aforementioned mage's tower

Ben:

"Yes, I heard about the bar."

Ben:

drufle npc dialogue needs ""'s

The Drufle:

that's not npc dialogue

The Drufle:

do you mean narrator dialogue?

Chanlin:

"Yup. It's owned by a female janni named Jen'qel. Seen by the town as mostly harmless if nuts, but she causes the occasional accidental explosion and is known to deploy celestial servants."

Ben:

no i mean NPC dialogue

Zurka:

it's the voice of god

Ben:

like BRAD'S

The Drufle:

oh

The Drufle:

right i'll do that

Ben:

"This isn't... this isn't goign to end up being something we get involved in is it?'

Ben:

"Not that I am a scared wimpy girl or anything."

Zurka:

"she sounds... dangerous"

Narseus:

"Pretty odd character. But I don't see if affecting us."

Ben:

"Yes, let's just, ignore it, forever."

Narseus:

"You could go visit, by all means."

Chanlin:

"Yeah, it might mean nothing to us. But you never know."

The Drufle:

The ground beneath you shakes as the top floor of the tower suddenly bursts open, spitting out flames and debris.

Narseus:

"Harmless, then?"

Chanlin:

"Yup, you really do never know," Chanlin deadpans.

The Drufle:

The party hears angered shouting in some non-common language coming from high in the tower.

Ben:

"Well, I..."

Ben:

"Let's just, keep walking and ignore."

Ben:

"It."

The Drufle:

does anyone here happen to know celestial

Narseus:

"Y'hearin' that?"

Zurka:

Perception Check At-Will • Wis Roll: (GM Only)

Ben:

"Ignore it."

Narseus:

"Sounds like gibberish to me."

Chanlin:

As a matter of fact, Chanlin does know Celestial.

The Drufle:

oh interesting

Ben:

"And go *around* the debris and flames."

Ben:

"And go to that port."

Chanlin:

I picked it as a bonus language because it's a likely language to find ancient legends written in.

Narseus:

makes sense to me! can you hear the shouting?

The Drufle:

Well, roll a quick perception check

Chanlin:

Chanlin tries to pay attention to the world around him. He gets a 10 on a Perception check.

Chanlin:

D'oh!

The Drufle:

Hmm.

Ben:

DOH HOMER

The Drufle:

Chanlin, distracted by all the fire and falling rock, only picks up random swears being uttered by the Janni.

Ben:

MARGE IM NOT CARPET TODAY

Ben:

GET A COW BENT, AYE CARUMBA MAN

Zurka:

celestial swear words

The Drufle:

You'd be surprised.

Zurka:

i bet it sounds like flanders

Chanlin:

"Accidental explosions, check."

Zurka:

"DIDDLYYYY"

Ben:

FLANDERINO

Ben:

NEIGHBOURINGO

Ben:

HOWS THE MOWIN GOIN

Narseus:

"Ellington?"

Narseus:

"Are you alright?"

The Drufle:

Ellington stumbles out of the tower and leans against the apothecary.

Chanlin:

"Did you see what just happened up there?"

Ellington:

"I'd recommend not asking the mage about necromancy."

Ellington:

"Rather touchy subject, as it seems."

Chanlin:

"..."

Chanlin:

"...Fair enough."

Chanlin:

"..."

Ben:

brb food

Chanlin:

"...she seriously blew up her own tower because she got pissed at you?"

Narseus:

"So uh...I doubt anyone still wants to visit...?"

Ellington:

"I'm sure it wasn't intentional."

Ellington:

"But I doubt it was wholly accidental either."

Ellington:

"Rather... hot-headed one, she is."

Zurka:

maybe she's fighting the patriarchy

Ellington:

"I did see her cassissians, however."

Ellington:

"Fascinating creatures."

Narseus:

"Cass...whats?"

Zurka:

Knowledge Planes Check At-Will • Int Roll: « d20 + KnowledgePlanes + IntBonus = 7 + 0 + 3 = 10 »

Zurka:

fff

The Drufle:

xD

The Drufle:

nope

Chanlin:

"Celestial servants?"

Ellington:

"Yes."

Ellington:

"Cassissians are the minor tier of angels."

Ellington:

"They tend to manifest in the Material Plane as winged golden helmets."

Zurka:

deploy the evas

Narseus:

"Never seen an angel before..."

Poryhedron:

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Narseus:

:I

Narseus:

xD

The Drufle:

?

Narseus:

-----

Zurka:

why

Narseus:

.-----

Narseus:

er

The Drufle:

have i missed something

Narseus:

I'm trying to point left.

The Drufle:

lol

Narseus:

"Do we, uh, need a rest? We could go to the bar."

Ellington:

"I would very much appreciate that, yes."

Narseus:

"Hmm, where's Eric?"

Ellington:

"He said he was going to pick up supplies at the portsmith."

Zurka:

oh god we left him alone

Zurka:

in a shop

Zurka:

the rogue

Narseus:

"Let's go to the bar. He'll find us, I'm sure."

Narseus:

There's only like, 5 buildings in this whole town anyway

The Drufle:

In this district, at least.

Narseus:

no this is the entire town

The Drufle:

Er, no.

Narseus:

they sleep on the tiled grass texture

Narseus:

um.

The Drufle:

I mentioned before that there is a residential district to the west.

Zurka:

this is actually the whole world

Narseus:

Oh, didn't catch that.

Brad the Bartender:

"Hey, back already?"

Chanlin:

"Dang, you caught some of that explosion, huh?"

Brad the Bartender:

"Little bit, yes."

Narseus:

wait shit is that fire

Chanlin:

"Yeah, one of my friends was hurt in the blast and needs to rest. Bar's as good a place as any."

The Drufle:

It is, in fact, fire.

Narseus:

It looks really fucking real.

Brad the Bartender:

"Your aasimar friend there?"

Zurka:

do we still have crab meat

Zurka:

lets cook the crabs

Chanlin:

Chanlin will start working to put out fires however he can.

The Drufle:

Hm.

The Drufle:

Who all is trying to put out the fires?

Narseus:

I'll help.

The Drufle:

So Narseus and Chanlin?

Narseus:

"Zurka, keep an eye on Ellington."

Zurka:

well i guess me too

Chanlin:

Is Brad just kind of standing there polishing glasses while his bar burns?

The Drufle:

Brad is, in fact, not attempting to put the fires out at all.

Narseus:

actually i'm sure ellington can take care of himself

Chanlin:

Could be worse. He could be playing a fiddle.

Zurka:

"where did we put ellington"

Narseus:

does he have ranks in that

Zurka:

wow brad ugh

Narseus:

he needs ranks probably

Zurka:

« d20 = 14 »

The Drufle:

So Narseus, Chanlin, and Zurka are all attempting to put out the fires?

Zurka:

im gonna ellingtonsit

Narseus:

"You seem awfully calm, barkeep. You drinkin' yer own product?"

Zurka:

apparently

The Drufle:

Very well.

Narseus:

christ i bet we die

Brad the Bartender:

"Of course I'm calm. Why wouldn't I be?"

Narseus:

i bet this is where it ends

Zurka:

we die in a fire

Narseus:

"The building is uh, quite flammable. And you are housing alcohol."

Chanlin:

"Is there something we don't know about how well this building handles fire?"

Narseus:

"Hmm, I guess he's probably had this happen before."

Zurka:

Knowledge Engineering Check At-Will • Int Roll: « d20 + KnowledgeEngineering + IntBonus = 17 + 0 + 3 = 20 »

The Drufle:

Ah!

Narseus:

Knowledge Engineering Check At-Will • Int Roll: (GM Only)

The Drufle:

Zurka, feeling the walls, happens to notice that they are coated in some magical substance.

Chanlin:

Chanlin thinks back on the various tidbits he's overheard in his travels. He gets a 18 on a Knowledge check.

Chanlin:

But there's fire inside the building. That means the walls have lost at least a little integrity.

Brad the Bartender:

"Well, for one, this building is really heavily covered."

Zurka:

Knowledge Arcana Check At-Will • Int Roll: « d20 + KnowledgeArcana + IntBonus = 11 + 4 + 3 = 18 »

Zurka:

whats the magical substance

Brad the Bartender:

"I had Jen'qel herself fix this place so I didn't have it burning down every other week."

Zurka:

oh

Narseus:

"Must've been a handful convincin' her to do that."

Zurka:

i bet they're having an affair

The Drufle:

Zurka discovers that the substance is a highly potent anti-magic emulsion.

Zurka:

and brad texted her that he wants to break up

Zurka:

typical brad

Zurka:

BRAD

Narseus:

so like, you can just figure out anything if you're lucky enough

Chanlin:

Yeah, that's a Brad move right there.

The Drufle:

Effectively, yes.

Narseus:

also ben is just sitting outside

Narseus:

what's he doin

The Drufle:

Unless you completely balls up your roll, you'll find out most of what you need.

The Drufle:

Ben is fascinated by the still-burning tower as it's being extinguished by the cassissians.

Zurka:

um what other rolls

Chanlin:

Well, there are some things complex or obscure enough that we would have to get a result of 35 or higher to figure them out, and we don'r have the stats for that.

The Drufle:

Yes.

Narseus:

what if we transform into the megazoid and combine our rolls

Zurka:

i bet the moral of this story is dont go to bars taht are on fire

The Drufle:

You can only add a +2 to an ally's roll.

Narseus:

boooo

Chanlin:

Combiner robots are notoriously slow-witted while combined. Bad idea.

Zurka:

oh right

Brad the Bartender:

"On another note..."

Zurka:

i should make my familiar help me

Zurka:

on all the rolls

Narseus:

i transformed into the megazoid and all i got was a +2

Brad the Bartender:

"I'd recommend staying very far away from that flame."

Brad the Bartender:

"Mostly because it's not actually fire."

Chanlin:

"Oh? Is it about to do something entertaining?"

Chanlin:

!

Zurka:

it's a trap

Narseus:

"Well, hey, as long as it lights the place up, who cares what it is. A drink, please."

Brad the Bartender:

"There's the spirit! What's your pick of poison, gunman?"

Narseus:

"I could use something strong. Got anything to recommend?"

Zurka:

(whats going on so the fire is decor????)

Brad the Bartender:

"I've got some dwarven ale in the back. How's that sound?"

The Drufle:

If you'd like to find out what's up with the fire, I'd recommend an arcana or history check

Chanlin:

Chanlin searches his brain for information about the arcane, getting a 14 on a Knowledge(arcana) check.

Chanlin:

Chanlin searches his brain for information about the past, getting a 17 on a Knowledge(history) check.

Zurka:

"do you have cheese"

The Drufle:

This DC will be pretty high

Zurka:

Knowledge Arcana Check At-Will • Int Roll: « d20 + KnowledgeArcana + IntBonus = 5 + 4 + 3 = 12 »

The Drufle:

Nope.

Narseus:

"Ah, I love those little guys. Aye, that'll do."

Zurka:

fff

Zurka:

Spellcraft Check At-Will • Int Roll: « d20 + Spellcraft + IntBonus = 7 + 6 + 3 = 16 »

Brad the Bartender:

"I have some aged cheddar I bought from the apothecary a few years back. That good for you, boy?"

Zurka:

"yes"

Brad the Bartender:

"2 gold per pound, then."

Narseus:

"You know, this magic fire crap makes for some great mood lightin'."

Zurka:

"how about half a pound"

Brad the Bartender:

"Well it ain't fire, but yeah, it's kinda nice so long as you stay back."

Chanlin:

"Remind you of some good quality raids?"

Brad the Bartender:

"I can do half a pound, sure."

Narseus:

man that rat pog is just adorable

* Brad the Bartender cuts a hunk off of a large roll of cheese and hands it to Zurka.

Zurka:

"CHEESE"

Brad the Bartender:

"Could you please refrain from hopping over my counter?"

Zurka:

"it was an accident"

Narseus:

"Yeah, we'd burn a ship's sails to slow 'em down. Pretty effective, and a great show."

Brad the Bartender:

"You a pirate?"

Narseus:

"Well, not exactly, right now. But I was."

Brad the Bartender:

"Ah, I understand."

Brad the Bartender:

"My cousin was the same way."

Zurka:

Knowledge History Check At-Will • Int Roll: « d20 + KnowledgeHistory + IntBonus = 2 + 0 + 3 = 5 »

Narseus:

"I was part of the Sparthian."

Zurka:

what

Brad the Bartender:

"The Sparthian! That was my cousin's ship as well!"

Zurka:

well that's all my knowledge checks i guess i'll never know how the fire works

Narseus:

"Huh, so who is this cousin of yours?"

You have disconnected.

Poryhedron has connected.

Golurk has connected.

The Drufle has connected.

ReverseGenocideCockatrices has connected.

The Drufle:

Yes, I understand that that's the rule.

Narseus:

sorry about that

Zurka:

Knowledge Arcana Check At-Will • Int Roll: « d20 + KnowledgeArcana + IntBonus = 9 + 4 + 3 = 16 »

The Drufle:

Nope.

Zurka:

ff

Zurka:

fff

Narseus:

Right so last I said

Narseus:

"Huh, so who is this cousin of yours?"

Zurka:

*witness breakdown*

Ben:

BACK

Chanlin:

BRAD

Brad the Bartender:

"His name is Kevin, works at the bar over in Glacier."

Zurka:

aaah a dragon

Ben:

"I was just having a nice urination."

Ben:

"What did I miss?"

Narseus:

*!!!!!!*

Ben:

BRAD/KEVIN OTP

Chanlin:

DUDE YOU CAN'T SHIP COUSINS

Ben:

YOUVE NWVER MET TEH SUPER NATURKAL FDNMFOA

Narseus:

"Kevin? I actually met him."

The Drufle:

you obviously dont understand the internet

Narseus:

"He runs a great bar."

Ben:

i actually think shipping is the lowest form of anything

Brad the Bartender:

"Yes, the Drunken Drake is a magnificent establishment."

Ben:

"Yes, I remember a man named Kevin."

Brad the Bartender:

"Sells some of the best alcohol on the south coast!"

Ben:

"He was quite good at racism, if I recall."

Ben:

"I probably don't recall."

Brad the Bartender:

"He's a bit mean-spirited, yes."

Narseus:

"I guess Bartendin' runs in the family."

Brad the Bartender:

"I suppose so. I believe I got the raw end of the deal, though."

Narseus:

"What do you mean? Is it the not-fire things?"

Brad the Bartender:

"Instead of a giant port city and more imports than I know what to deal with..."

Zurka:

ok i'm gonna use a spell now

Brad the Bartender:

"I got a few beat-up ship docks and raining spell stuff every week."

Brad the Bartender:

"Not quite a fair deal, but I love the place."

The Drufle:

whoa

Ben:

yes

The Drufle:

is that detect magic

Ben:

that's the area of ben's urination

Ben:

that's how much urinating ben did

Ben:

it's a vishkanya thing

Zurka:

that's a 60 ft cone

Ben:

you wouldn't UDNWERSTAND

The Drufle:

dang

The Drufle:

does that require any roll or does it just happen?

Zurka:

Spell Detect Magic glowy eyes and shit with hand waving Targets: the bar

Zurka:

http://www.d20pfsrd.com/magic/all-spells/d/detect-magic

Narseus:

Narseus thrusts the pointy end at THE SLEEP DEMONS with the axe, getting a 14 to hit. If this hits, he deals 1 damage.

The Drufle:

no streak stay awake

The Drufle:

we can do this

Chanlin:

Chanlin tried to use the Spellcraft skill, but belatedly remembers he never bothering training in it.

Narseus:

yes!

The Drufle:

Alright then, Zurka's spell works!

Narseus:

can i craft ammo later btw

The Drufle:

He realizes once again that this fire is, of course, not fire

The Drufle:

(also yes)

The Drufle:

But it is in fact of celestial origin!

The Drufle:

i think that's all you can get from detect magic

Narseus:

"Hey Zurka, yer lookin' at that fire kinda funny."

The Drufle:

spellcraft or arcana can help specify it

Narseus:

"Also I think your lizard needs a piss."

Zurka:

well it's a good thing it's a cantrip otherwise i'm gonna be so disappointed right now

Narseus:

that's not a euphamism

Zurka:

oh woops how to erase these

Ben:

"He's not getting one before me I'll tell you that."

Chanlin:

CTRL-Z will undo your last one.

Zurka:

well sorry brad i seem to have drawn a boxy cone over your bar

Brad the Bartender:

"Bathroom's in the back, you know."

* Brad the Bartender points to a door by Ellington

Narseus:

"..."

Brad the Bartender:

"Again, rather sparse, I know."

Chanlin:

(assuming he rolls high enough on Spellcraft, Zurka would also note that Chanlin is covered with a transmutation effect.)

Narseus:

"'s only bad if yeh have a weak nose.!"

Brad the Bartender:

"True, yes."

The Drufle:

Is Zurka going to make more rolls?

Zurka:

im gonna roll a smellception check

Zurka:

from way over here

Zurka:

Perception Check At-Will • Wis Roll: « d20 + Perception + WisBonus = 5 + 3 + 0 = 8 »

The Drufle:

nope

Narseus:

no revelations then

Narseus:

dang

Narseus:

oh excuse my language

The Drufle:

I will allow one more spellcheck or arcana because of the DM spell

Zurka:

budgie has high perception

Chanlin:

Chanlin searches his brain for information about the arcane, getting a 27 on a Knowledge(arcana) check.

Narseus:

Ben's pissing.

Zurka:

The Drufle:

Well I was talking to Zurka, but sure.

Chanlin:

Chanlin has detect magic too.

The Drufle:

Oh does he?

The Drufle:

Very well.

Chanlin:

Yup.

Ben:

asema's here, but not here???????????????????????????????????????????????

Ben:

ben isin the toilet anyway

The Drufle:

Chanlin is the first one to pay attention to the debris, and not the "fire".

Chanlin:

It's maaaaaaaaaagiiiiiic!

Zurka:

ben is the toilet

Ben:

you can hear him going "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah"

Ben:

and "Owwwwwwwww"

Ben:

"Oh SHIT"

Ben:

"IT CAME OFF"

Ben:

"Wait"

Ben:

"Wait that's a shit"

Ben:

"Never mind"

The Drufle:

He notices that the debris is metallic and shining, and that the "fire" is emanating from the material.

Ben:

"Got me scared for a moment."

Zurka:

i want to set fire to the bathroom

Zurka:

can I

Narseus:

I'm gonna check on Ellington I guess

Ben:

Ben brings his pants back up.

The Drufle:

"He also recognizes the metal as outsider material.

Ben:

"So... I like what you've done with the place, with that, fire."

Ben:

"It's very..."

Ben:

"Architecture."

Chanlin:

"Actually, it's very extraplanar."

Brad the Bartender:

"Yeah, they aren't too bad."

Brad the Bartender:

"Extraplanar right, that's what she called them."

Compy:

"i'm going to eat everyone's eyes while they sleep"

Narseus:

dogs don't tlak

Narseus:

shut the fuck up

Chanlin:

Hey, I was promised nobody was gonna eat my eyes!

Narseus:

"Urgh, this stuff is somethin'. Did that lizard just speak..?"

Narseus:

"Nah..."

The Drufle:

Chanlin, try an insight check

Zurka:

a what

Ben:

"What did you fucking call me you little shit!"

The Drufle:

is that not pathfinder stuff

Narseus:

"Hey, ya hissy little bastard, I'm watchin' yoo."

The Drufle:

i keep forgetting

Ben:

"Yes, a little bit of racism every now and then is one thing, but that was over the line!"

Chanlin:

Chanlin considers the likely motives of this person. He gets a 3 on a Sense Motive check.

The Drufle:

nope

Narseus:

"...What? I'm uh, barely listenin', Ben.

Zurka:

"thingy, return"

The Drufle:

Zurka, how about you give sense motive a shot

The Drufle:

Since you know some about the material as well.

Zurka:

Sense Motive Check At-Will • Wis Roll: d20 + SenseMotive + WisBonus]

Zurka:

oh wait

Zurka:

woops

Zurka:

Sense Motive Check At-Will • Wis Roll: « d20 + SenseMotive + WisBonus = 2 + 0 + 0 = 2 »

Zurka:

lel

The Drufle:

geez guys

Zurka:

if only the rogue were here

Chanlin:

Wow. We are superstars here.

* ReverseGenocideCockatrices rolls: 1d20 => 14

Narseus:

"Man, you guys are really interested in those shiny rocks.

Ben:

and

Ben:

my sense motive

Ben:

is 2

Zurka:

add wisdom bonus

Ben:

so that's

The Drufle:

Well, they're metal, not rocks.

Ben:

16

The Drufle:

Sorry, but the DC for this particular check is 20.

Zurka:

welp power outage

Ben:

YOU ARE PENIS

Narseus:

"The tower's made of that stuff, right?"

Ben:

that's miles funnier with a dragon head next to my text

Brad the Bartender:

"That stuff? I hope not."

Zurka:

maybe brad is the wizard all along

Zurka:

Perform Check At-Will • Cha Roll: (GM Only)

Brad the Bartender:

"They make my head hurt when they're not burnt to a crisp."

Brad the Bartender:

"Or melted. Honestly I can't tell what this stuff does."

Chanlin:

Having examined the tower earlier, Chanlin will recall whether this debris does resemble the outer walls of the tower...

* Chanlin attempts a raw Intelligence check, and gets a 19.

The Drufle:

Chanlin realizes that this debris is not at all from the walls of the tower, and is in fact probably not from the architecture at all.

Chanlin:

"Huh. Y'know, I don't think this is even pieces of the tower itself. It might be stuff Jen'qel accidentally summoned or something."

Zurka:

stupid sexy stuff

Ben:

"I don't understand. Are we here to go to the port and get a ship still?"

Ben:

"Or are we now tower plunderers?'

The Drufle:

Man, it's really unfortunate that Ellington isn't coherent.

Ben:

"Which one is cooler?"

Ben:

drufle uh

Ben:

asema is on irc

The Drufle:

oh

The Drufle:

he is?

Narseus:

We were gonna get that bandit ship or something right

The Drufle:

why is he not in here

Ben:

i dunno

Ben:

he wasn't responding to many pingings on irc either

The Drufle:

Narseus: yes!

Narseus:

yeah we know he's there but he's not responding

Narseus:

he's been there for aaages

The Drufle:

That ship is still heading off to the northeast, and you did in fact come here for a ship.

Narseus:

What time is it anyway

Ben:

Whoops! I'm here now.

Zurka:

stupid sexy sidequests

Ben:

that's what asema ssaid

Ben:

it's 4:00 pm in australia

Ben:

which is

Ben:

GMT +10

Narseus:

it's 5am here

The Drufle:

It's currently late afternoon.

Narseus:

i can't feel my brain

The Drufle:

In game time.

Ben:

i think we can stop for streak's sake

Narseus:

i think it left

Ben:

maybe we should have a cap that we stop before it becomes 4 am for streak

The Drufle:

Shall we finish the secret of the not-fire debris next week?

Chanlin:

Sure.

Narseus:

eh, i don't mind staying up late on friday

Chanlin:

The soul is willing, but the flesh is weak.

The Drufle:

are you coherent enough to actually keep going though

Narseus:

yeah i think so

The Drufle:

Alright!

Zurka:

get some

Zurka:

water

Narseus:

i feel like we're reaching a finishing point anyway

The Drufle:

If we have no other objections, you may continue.

Ben:

didn't pory just say the flesh is weak

Ben:

and spongy and bruised

Zurka:

you sound like the judge

Narseus:

Late afternoon, so what should we do now?

The Drufle:

I am the judge.

The Drufle:

Also the jury.

Chanlin:

I was referring to Streak, who has been fighting off sleep demons all night.

The Drufle:

And the plaintiff and prosecutor.

Narseus:

Narseus shoots at SLEEP DEMONS with his pistol. Bang!! Rolled 21 to hit, to deal 1 damage.

Narseus:

boo

Narseus:

they're tough

Chanlin:

And the sleep demons have regen 5.

Narseus:

OP plz nerf

Zurka:

that's a crit

Ben:

yeah i don't like the idea of forcing streak to be TOO sleep deprived

Narseus:

don't worry because

Narseus:

i come back stronger

Zurka:

just a little sleep deprived

Chanlin:

So you're a Saiyan.

Narseus:

yes exactly

The Drufle:

As the sun starts dipping over the horizon, other people begin entering the bar.

Zurka:

we're gonna be a slice of life shwo at this rate

Narseus:

There's like, inns here, right

Narseus:

im sure there are

The Drufle:

There are rooms upstairs in the bar, yes.

Narseus:

i mean all towns have em

Ben:

hey look

Ben:

a woman icon

Narseus:

yes lets go to sleep in the burning bar

Zurka:

let's go grind on some rattata

Zurka:

teh wimmens

Brad the Bartender:

"Afternoon, Terril. How's the shop going?"

Terril:

"Fine, some elf boy bought a few yards of rope and wire."

Narseus:

"Oi, lizard, leave her alone!"

Narseus:

wait fuck where is eric

Terril:

"Is that a compsognathus?"

Narseus:

i completely forgot about eric

Chanlin:

I'm sure he likes it that way.

Terril:

"Fascinating creatures, they are."

Compy:

i can be anything you wanna be

Compy:

(this isn't cano btw)

Compy:

canon

Narseus:

"I just call it a lizard."

Terril:

"I see Jen'qel sent some more of her fun your way."

Zurka:

"get back in the satchel, you"

Ben:

"1 Alcohol polse."

Ben:

"Please."